I have a responsibility…one that is not put on anyone but myself. The responsibility is to bring people’s attention to the realities that still exist in New Orleans as the entire area continues to try and rebuild.
Already, I know that some will have stopped reading this post…which makes me sad and angry…because I have to ask the question why? Why have so many moved on? I think its because people do not understand the realities. Right now we have a team gutting a house, feeding homeless people, and doing a VBS…all in an effort to not only help people rebuild…but to help them overcome and give hope when so many have been so deeply scarred by the experience…especially the children.
I want you to take a look at this trailer for a documentary called Katrina’s Children. I want you to understand the realities that exists because that is the responsibility I have. The need is overwhelming and it has been almost three years. We have moved on, but so many have been unable to…which is why I ask you to continue to pray and help in whatever ways that you can.
Thanks to Kim Bechtel for bringing this documentary to my attention so that I can share it with all of you.
Revolution will be leading another trip the week after Christmas. If you are interested it’s never too early to sign up.
Alright, so I am at a mall today waiting for my wife and sister in law to be done shopping at H&M. There I am minding my own business munching on an Auntie Anne’s Pretzel and sipping on some lemonade - when all of a suddenly this blond lady walks up to me, smiles and says…”is your name Topher?”
What the heck…how do people know who I am out here?! I said yes with a look on my face of what I am sure was - are you going to kill me…and she said I have heard so much about you. Innocently I said…ummm from who? I work with your mother in law, she said.
OHHHHHHHHHH! Apparently my mom in law talks about me a lot has lots of pictures of us up at the hospital she works at. Kind of freaked me out though…I’m not going to lie.
It’s Sunday…I want to blog but I have so many thoughts in my head that I am not sure how to focus on just one. So I decided I would share the randomness that exists in my head. Without any fan-fair i give you my random thoughts for today.
With a heavy heart I respond today. I am officially moving to Ireland - the magical green isle - where teenage girls no longer run popular culture or the popular vote.
Good bye and Godspeed people of America. I shall miss you.
As I sit here in my office listening to music I can’t escape the odd silence that surrounds me. It’s a contradiction really. Music playing, but I here nothing…time standing still as I sit and ponder the realities I am involved in. As I look back at what has transpired these past few days my brain fumbles…Friday seems like it was weeks ago. Sunday came and never in my life did I think that I would have to stand in front of people and share the kind of news that was given. They don’t really teach you about how to handle things like that in Bible College.
As I watched the shock give way to confusion, the confusion give way to anger, and the anger give way to sadness - I realized something…God is still God. It seems like a simple statement, but the truth is it’s a deeper concept than any of us can fully grasp. The reality is, what has happened does not change who God is. What has happened does not change who Jesus is. What it does change is us…and what that change entails is determined by how we handle this painful time.
It would be easy to rest in anger, pain, guilt, hate, irritation, hopelessness, and sadness…and believe me it is OK to feel all of those things…but when we rest in those things…when we give in to the negative we slowly become hardened. We become mere memories of our former selves…and we loose sight of the truth that is right before our eyes.
Romans 5:4-5 says, “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because We know that suffering produces endurance; endurance, character, and character, hope.And hope does not disappoint us, because God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us.”
I believe in hope. I believe it does not disappoint us. I believe it is a gift from God. I believe that in this time we have a unique opportunity to be honest with our spouses and friends about our feelings, thoughts, struggles, and weaknesses. I believe we have an opportunity to bless particular families in ways they could have never expected. I believe we have a chance to learn from the mistakes of others. I believe we have a chance to rise above and show how beautiful the bride of Christ really is. I believe that it is in this hope that we are able to see the church at it’s best.
Satan has not won…and I will not stop fighting.
Although the future is unclear, I believe more than ever that God is calling me to be a person of hope, compassion, truth, and love. And I know it is in those things that I am able to surrender and trust God to lead me through the battles. Let our attention not be on those that have caused the pain, but on those that are wounded by it. We have to keep singing. Let us crawl into the lap of God and weep…let his compassion wash over us and give us strength…allow him to sing over us…as he prepares us for the celebration of victory that is Easter. I refuse to let Satan steal that from us.
My friends…my hope and prayer is that we find time to rest, that we are honest with how we feel and wise in how we share it, that we are realistic in that all of this can’t be fixed in a week, month, or even a year…my hope and prayer is that those that have been affected by all that has happened will be willing to show patience to each other, that we can love one another and serve one another, that we can wash each others feet, that we can help one another up out of the mud and allow God to lead us forward…together as one body…united…broken but beautiful.
I don’t know when this silence will break…or when confusion will give way to clarity…or even when anger will give way to peace…What I do know is that there will come a day when we will begin to hear something faintly around us…it will be a sweet sound, one of celebration…one of victory…until that time comes however, know that I will keep fighting…I will keep pursuing…I will rest in hope and trust God to lead me through the battles…and I hope you will join me in the journey.
When men fall we weep…but never forget that hope endures.
Sadness and disappointment fill my head, as my heart breaks at the reality of it all. Not understanding adds a confusion I’ve never had before and in the process anger rears it’s ugly head. But I will still trust….I will still believe…I will still have faith…and I will lead with conviction, love, grace, hope, passion, balance, boundaries, boldness, and humility. For the bride of Christ may weep and the dress may be a bit soiled…she is still beautiful and radiant even amidst the pain and brokenness.
We got to start late this day. Not that we slept in…you see we found out quickly that Cheryl gets up at like 4:28 in the morning. She was our rooster as she made coffee and put out the breakfast goodies.
The plan for this day was simple…go work some more on the offices of BBC, and then around 2 we would head downtown to feed some people who were homeless. We would then clean up, get some dinner, watch a special on Hurricane Katrina and go to sleep.
Like clock work everyone dived in to their respective projects. We had some Popeye’s chicken for lunch (yummo) and then we tried to get as much done as we could before our 2 o clock departure for the downtown area. I found myself agitated that early afternoon and for the life of me I could not figure out why. As we went to McDonald’s to buy 100 double cheeseburgers I found myself becoming increasingly overwhelmed with everything. For 3 days I had been working and leading and I don’t know if I allowed myself a time to feel…anything. Leanne and the baby had arrived late the 28th and when they arrived I think reality finally began to catch up with me.
As a few of us waited in the van for the rest of the group Jessica told me she couldn’t look at the water lines anymore. I couldn’t tell her at the time…but neither could I. I knew I needed to face whatever was going on inside of me, I knew I needed to pray, but at that moment…at that point I just didn’t know how. I decided as the group gave out the cheeseburgers and prayed with people, then I would go and run to the store to get some supplies we needed. I dropped them off and away I went…running away…trying my hardest to not deal with the turmoil that lied just below the surface.
I went to three different stores…and all of them were still closed. As I drove around downtown my mind played images in my head. Images of when we would hold worship services for those without a home. Images of kids playing in the street. Images of life. But the pictures my mind saw were far different then the ones my eyes currently beheld.
I pulled over and parked and as I began to weep for the city, for what it used to be, for what it is now, for what it could be…I saw Charity Hospital. Before the storm it was the premier trauma center in the Gulf South. After Katrina hit they were literally forced to slide people down the stairs because the elevators did not work. The morgue overflowing, the stench of death and decay everywhere, and everyone was trapped…for days. This was a place of healing, of hope and for a few days in August and September it became a prison. Now it stands as an empty sentry overlooking the city.
The picture of that vacant hospital made me nauseous and quickly a flood of emotion hit me. It was as if all the things that I had spent two years pushing down came rushing to the surface with a fury that could not be stopped. Feelings of guilt, anger, pain, jealousy, selfishness, confusion, despair, frustration…so many thoughts rushing through my mind like a torrent. I sat in that van and all I could see was that hospital…that stupid hospital…and I realized that I had reached my breaking point.
The team came back and I sucked it all back in…
and the rain began to fall.
As the team was cleaning up, Leanne and the baby came over, and I had to go outside…I couldn’t let people see me like this. I let the cold rain hit my face wishing that it would numb the pain. Hoping that it could take away all of the anguish and confusion. I wanted to go back to LA and forget this place. I wanted to forget the city, the need, the pain, it was just too much…I thought I could handle it but apparently I was wrong…at least that’s what I told myself.
Then God gave me a word…hope.
I was hope. We were hope. And we needed to be able to offer that hope to the people who needed it the most. That was why we came. I shared with the team the realities of pain in New Orleans. The truth of the struggle that so many were coping with. I shared with them the fact that we were hope and we needed to offer that hope . That we needed to be people of hope…because those around us need it now more than ever. We came to work, we came to help, to make an impact…but above all other things God brought us to give hope to the people of New Orleans.
The 29th was a day of…understanding…it was a day of brokenness and of beauty. By the end of it I was exhausted…but tomorrow was another day, and it would be a day of celebration.
A while ago I saw the movie “Saved” and I felt much sadness in knowing that many people view Christians the way that movie presented them. However, I also laughed my butt off at the movie because there was a lot of ridiculousness in it.
Well, recently as I have been perusing different blogs and websites and I have come across several sites that make me sad and laugh at the same time. They make me sad because I see so much hate. They make me sad because it is so hurtful to many people…and done in the name of “truth”. It makes me sad because although I am sure they have the best intentions those intentions are lost through the degradation they show for other people.
However these sites also make me laugh. They make me laugh because there is much ridiculousness. These sites make me laugh because I don’t know what else to do. These sites make me laugh because in my head I say, “they can’t be serious”, but in reality I know they are.
The only thing I know how to do is trust that God can use all of us…even when we think each other are crazy and wrong.
If you want to be saddened…don’t say I didn’t warn you.
