meanderings of a restless wanderer

Here I am. Preparing for what I am sure will be an interesting week. Leanne is gone on a week long retreat…and I am all alone with the baby…being Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom

So, I’ve never been the sole provider before. I’m pretty sure I can handle it…I hope. The great thing is, is that Bella is uber easy however, I am still kind of freaked out about being single dad for a week. I’m not sure how to balance the work and baby thing on my own…especially in a week when I am preparing for a sermon ths coming Sunday and a wedding I will be performing. So I might just stay home and forgo the social activities that I would normally partake in and prepare for Sunday…and watch 30 Rock.

30 Rock

I am not a big fan of Alec Baldwin…in fact he kind of annoys me, which has caused me to not even attempt to watch 30 Rock. Well after months of hounding from Tanya I gave in and watched an episode…thanks to HULU I have now watched the entire second season…in 3 days. Seriously, it’s genius! Since Leanne is gone and since I will not be partaking in social activities Tanya is letting me borrow season 1 so I can watch it in the evenings after Bella goes to sleep, but to protect my brain from too much TV I will also be reading my new book…A Voyage Long and Strange.

A Voyage Long and Strange

I do so enjoy a good book…truth be told I’m kind of a book whore…I’ll read just about anything. Between business books, apologetic books, missional Church books, and the Walt Disney Biography I have found some time to brush up on my History Books. My newest is entitled “A Voyage Long and Strange”. To read a synopsis click here. I’m actually quite looking forward to it and hoping to gain a few new bits of info to store away in my noggin…but truth be told we shouldn’t just exercise our noggins but our bodies as well which leads me to Weight Watchers.

Weight Watchers

Leanne and I have been discussing making some serious life changes and setting good goals for ourselves. So this week I start Weight Watchers. I kind of would like to live a long productive life so I’m not so much into the continual self sabotage that we Americans do to ourselves. I can’t do it alone…the Big guy upstairs is going to have to help me…of course you can too. I open myself up to you my friends…you have permission to ask me how’s it going…heck you can even ask me how many points I have used in the day.

Moving forward…

This week will be interesting, but I have no doubt it will be great…it’s the continual process of moving forward…I don’t do so well being stagnant so I trust God to continue to lead me on.

Until next time…

to me!

Well, yesterday was my 29th birthday, and let me tell ya’, it was a pretty good one.

The day began with me getting up way to early to drive to Chino so I could take my Commissioned Pastors test for the Reformed Church in America.  Let’s just say starting your birthday off with a three hour oral exam is not my idea of an awesome birthday gift.  Truth be told, I did enjoy the studying and learning…it was like I was in college again.

After completing said test I headed to the Brea Mall to use my William Sonoma gift card.  If you know me, but at all, you know I love to cook..and you also know that I love that store.  With my purchases in hand I made my way back to the car to make the drive home…of course I had to treat myself to a birthday lunch from Chick fil-A.

After arriving at home all I wanted to do was to take a nap, sadly it was too frickin hot I could not sleep,  instead I watch Ghostbusters 2…yup that’s right…don’t mock me, you know you love it.

My wife had told me we had plans with The Garrisons for dinner so at 7 we took Bella to my mom’s where…SURPRISE…a birthday party was at hand…and not just any surprise party but a “Lost” themed Surprise party, complete with tropical decor and plenty of Dharma food to go around.

I was actually very surprised that my wife pulled off a party with out me finding out.   Of course it helps that she actually decided the day before to do it…and thankfully for me most of my friends didn’t have plans…I’m not sure what that says about all of us.

I have to give a big thanks to my wife for throwing me a party, especially themed to something I love…and she hates.  Also, huge thanks go to Travis and Carrie for helping get everything ready all day Saturday, Angelo for being the tech superhero, Tanya for being Lost inspiration, and of course everyone that was able to make it on such short notice.

As with any fun event I have some awards to give out…so without further adieu…

Best Look a Like to a Lost Character - Jon Gaw as John Locke

Most creative Lost costume - Jen Davies as Smokey

Multiple personality - Liana Dickson as Kate, Rousseau, or Alex (She looked liked all of them)

The too much Lost knowledge award - Tanya Jones and Rachel Samarin

Funniest (inappropriate) birthday card - Mike and Beth Hutton

Funniest (non-inappropriate) birthday card - Darren and Jenny Platt

Best song played - Big Poppa

Well, there you have it my 29th birthday in a nutshell.  If you didn’t know it was my birthday or you couldn’t make it to the party I hold no grudges…that being said I like Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, and Ikea

As soon as I get some pictures I will post.

Well, since we are now a Mac household I have been playing around with all things Mac - like iLife 08…more specifically iWeb.

iWeb allows you to create your own website…sort of. Since Leanne had some Sensaria party and the baby was in bed by 7:30 I decided to make a family web site. It is still a work in progress but it does have some photo albums up and some other basic things going. If you get a chance - check it out.

My little girl is already one…kind of makes me want to throw up a little bit. Here are some pictures from her party. Thanks to all of you who were able to join us.

| View Show | Create Your Own

I’m still tired.

As I sit here in my office listening to music I can’t escape the odd silence that surrounds me. It’s a contradiction really. Music playing, but I here nothing…time standing still as I sit and ponder the realities I am involved in. As I look back at what has transpired these past few days my brain fumbles…Friday seems like it was weeks ago. Sunday came and never in my life did I think that I would have to stand in front of people and share the kind of news that was given. They don’t really teach you about how to handle things like that in Bible College.

As I watched the shock give way to confusion, the confusion give way to anger, and the anger give way to sadness - I realized something…God is still God. It seems like a simple statement, but the truth is it’s a deeper concept than any of us can fully grasp. The reality is, what has happened does not change who God is. What has happened does not change who Jesus is. What it does change is us…and what that change entails is determined by how we handle this painful time.

It would be easy to rest in anger, pain, guilt, hate, irritation, hopelessness, and sadness…and believe me it is OK to feel all of those things…but when we rest in those things…when we give in to the negative we slowly become hardened. We become mere memories of our former selves…and we loose sight of the truth that is right before our eyes.

Romans 5:4-5 says, “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because We know that suffering produces endurance; endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us.”

I believe in hope. I believe it does not disappoint us. I believe it is a gift from God. I believe that in this time we have a unique opportunity to be honest with our spouses and friends about our feelings, thoughts, struggles, and weaknesses. I believe we have an opportunity to bless particular families in ways they could have never expected. I believe we have a chance to learn from the mistakes of others. I believe we have a chance to rise above and show how beautiful the bride of Christ really is. I believe that it is in this hope that we are able to see the church at it’s best.

Satan has not won…and I will not stop fighting.

Although the future is unclear, I believe more than ever that God is calling me to be a person of hope, compassion, truth, and love. And I know it is in those things that I am able to surrender and trust God to lead me through the battles. Let our attention not be on those that have caused the pain, but on those that are wounded by it. We have to keep singing. Let us crawl into the lap of God and weep…let his compassion wash over us and give us strength…allow him to sing over us…as he prepares us for the celebration of victory that is Easter. I refuse to let Satan steal that from us.

My friends…my hope and prayer is that we find time to rest, that we are honest with how we feel and wise in how we share it, that we are realistic in that all of this can’t be fixed in a week, month, or even a year…my hope and prayer is that those that have been affected by all that has happened will be willing to show patience to each other, that we can love one another and serve one another, that we can wash each others feet, that we can help one another up out of the mud and allow God to lead us forward…together as one body…united…broken but beautiful.

I don’t know when this silence will break…or when confusion will give way to clarity…or even when anger will give way to peace…What I do know is that there will come a day when we will begin to hear something faintly around us…it will be a sweet sound, one of celebration…one of victory…until that time comes however, know that I will keep fighting…I will keep pursuing…I will rest in hope and trust God to lead me through the battles…and I hope you will join me in the journey.

When men fall we weep…but never forget that hope endures.

I have been sick today with a nasty stomach bug.  I hate being sick…but who doesn’t right?  After I woke up from a dehydration induced nap I decided to keep the lights low and watch a movie…Garden State.  The same thing happens to me every time I watch this movie…I become a bit Pensive.

It’s 9 o’clock and I find myself reflecting on memories from my childhood.  To be honest I have blocked out a lot of my past.  It’s not that I don’t have any good memories it’s just that the painful times tend to overshadow the great ones…especially when it comes to my dad.  You see my dad and my brother were…are…best friends…and me…well…I never really felt like I fit in.  I can remember being inside of the house and pressing my nose against the window as I watched my dad and brother work in the garage and wishing that I could somehow be a part if it all…but I never really was.

Maybe it’s because I have always been an independent person…even as a kid…maybe my dad just didn’t know how to include me…or perhaps he saw how damaged he was and he was actually protecting me…I don’t know…but there is a part of me that feels like I missed out on something great…something necessary.

I can remember this one time.  It was in early summer and I was outside watching the day turn to night.  My mom and brother had gone to Price Club and it was just my dad and I.  We never really had a lot in common, but the one thing that was common ground for the two of us was science.  I loved science when I was a kid…I particularly enjoyed astronomy and geology.  That evening as the light began to fade I pulled out my circle star map waiting for the stars to begin their nightly show.  I remember my dad having me stand by him on our driveway and he pointed out Orion (as he always did)…as he began to tell me about different constellations I remember thinking that my dad had to have been the smartest guy alive (which is something he would frequently tell me…and still does).  After a while we both fell silent and just stared up at the heavens.  There were no words that needed to be uttered…no actions that needed to be shown…it was the perfect moment…and then it happened.

As we gazed above us we saw a meteor.  An honest to goodness meteor.  It wasn’t some small streak of light like a shooting star…it was this oddly beautiful phenomenon that captured us.  It was a big ball of yellow outlined in orange and red..and its tail looked blue and green.  We couldn’t believe it.  We stood there in amazement as it streaked across the sky leaving a ethereal glow behind itself and although it seemed like an eternity I am sure it was only there for mere seconds…but it is those mere seconds that I look back upon with great joy.  It is an experience that only he and I have shared…it is personal, special…it is a great memory.

It’s been close to 20 years since that night in our driveway, and unfortunately with growing up comes the harsh realities of life…those realities that cause us all to be a little bit cynical, a tad bit un-trusting…those realities that cause the good memories to fade into a dull background and the bad memories to stand out in painful clarity.

We are all human and deeply flawed…longing for acceptance…yearning for someone to like us…begging to be loved…and there is a God that showers down grace wanting us to know that He is there…whispering to our souls that we are His beloved.

Memories are a funny thing aren’t they?.  They can bring joy, sadness, despair….but sometimes they can bring hope.  Hope for a better tomorrow…hope for new legacies…hope for change…hope for acceptance and love…hope…that on this journey we are not alone.

My dad came to church this past week…which that too will become a great memory.

I know that no matter how dark the night, the sun will still rise.  No matter how painful the past…there is always hope.   No matter what stage of the journey…He is still there.