Alright, so here’s the deal. I am about to share a story; and quite honestly, I have no idea how to title it. So I will share said story and follow it up with my potential titles.
Our story begins shortly after we ate our grilled hamburgers that I made for dinner. We had originally planned to take a mountain drive – since we are in fact in the mountains on vacation. My lovely wife suggested we still go…after all, it was only six o’clock. I hit the maps button on the iPhone, got the route, and away we went.
Like most things, it started out swell-until the paved road became a dirt road, and then the dirt road became what appeared to be a trail for 4×4 vehicles only. Now, because I had my GPS, I saw that we were still on the correct route…so we continued on. Dodging sharp rocks, bottoming out, and trying to avoid looking down the giant cliffs to our left.
Still confident, I press on into the mountain in my very 2 wheel, very low to the ground Dodge Intrepid. I take a look at my iPhone and suddenly our little blue dot begins to move…far far far far away from any known roads. “Oh crap, were you paying attention to which way we turned to get up here?” “Nope”, my wife replied as my daughter stares obliviously out her open window…which I quickly shut in fear of some hungry mountain lion leaping in and devouring her.
Well, we can’t go back because we don’t know how we got where were at. So forward it is. “Why is the sun shining in my face.” “I cant see.” “Look out for the rock!” “What rock?”
On and on we go. As we pass a random conversion van, Dueling Banjos from Deliverance begins to play in my head and I begin to think of the worst case scenario. “Check the GPS again”, I say. “Oh, we’re on a road…wait, the dot is moving again….crap your phone just died.”
“Cuss word again!”
So through our nervous laughter and chatter we continue to press forward. And by the way, we found some incredible views…but I digress. “OK, if we don’t see a real road soon, I’ll turn back”, I say…while in my head I am thinking, “I’m sure glad I posted a Facebook message so if we don’t come back at least the police will have a general place to look.”
Finally we see a guy on a motorcycle…”Ask him”, my wife says…as I drive by smiling sheepishly thinking he has a hidden machette. “We’re going downhill…I see houses…A road! Woo Hoo…we’re alive…Let’s get some ice cream…oh look, the baby’s asleep.”
So, there you have it. A simple drive becomes an adventure that I am pretty sure is going to cost us money. I haven’t checked the car yet, but I am pretty sure things are punctured and there are a few new scratches on the passenger side from when I tried to dodge the giant rocks in the road.
This is why country folk make fun of city people. Ahh well, any story you can walk away from is a good one in my book.
So what should I entitle this post…
1. I thought you were smart…but apparently you’re stupid.
2. Off-roading in the Dodge Intrepid
3. Deliverance…this time we all squeal.
4. Lost…in Big Bear.
5. Insurance fraud
6. Never trust an iPhone to get you to your mountain destinataion.
7. Charge your iPhone, you moron.
8. Honey, please don’t take the baby and leave.
9. It’s all her fault…she suggested it.
10. You create your own.