Monster

safe-soda-monster

Yeah, so I have seen many of my friends like Richie, Joe, and Charlie guzzle the energy drink Monster like it’s water.  Today, my energy has been down.  Like a normal person I went on a Starbucks run. Two hours after my coffee I felt no difference. So I went to Charlie’s mini fridge and he encouraged me to try a Monster. So I did.  It didn’t taste nearly as bad as I thought it would.

I didn’t seem like it worked.  I thought it might be because I am a big guy.  So after Charlie left (sorry dude, I owe you) I grabbed another…half way through I realized something.  I was awake and aware.

Of course my hands are trembling uncontrollably and for some reason I can’t speak in complete sentences…but whatever…at least I’m awake.  That is until my heart bursts from beating too fast because of the narcotic that I just put in my body.  Seriously, how the heck do you people do this? How in the world is this thing approved by the FDA?!  My body feels all fuzzy and my eyes keep darting around…is that bad?  And did you know you can think of 269 different things at once?  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH — Monster is the devil!

I’m sticking with Starbucks…it’s safer.

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9 thoughts on “Monster

  1. I really don’t get energy drinks at all. I dislike the uncontrollable shaky feelings you get and there’s a lot of crap in them. I also know of some people who can’t function without them and I think someday they’ll find out that these drinks actually did them harm!

    I know I’m a different (than most) because I also don’t do/need coffee in the morning. It’s either a glass of water or some orange juice and that’s it!

  2. I too am not the coffee person. but i will admit i had one at work once and my heart was seriously pounding out of my chest. I thought i was going to die. I would advise not drinking that stuff when totally stressed.

    I will admit during my red-eye fligts To Ohio and having to drive immediately upon landing and driving 4+ hours i will automatically purchase a Monster and a Redbull. I would drink those within the first hour normally. And then stop 2hours prior to arrival and drink two more. and that will keep me up until time for bed.

    Good thing i don’t fly there often.

  3. Those things give me the same affect and so my suggestion to you is to just stay away from those. I do think they are really good for you as well, so stick with coffee because coffee has been around a lot longer than these drinks so coffee is much safer in my opinion! 🙂

  4. So I’m not sure if it’s my own normal inclination to edit, or your hyped up typing, but this particular post drove my grammatical mind crazy. My kids would’ve gotten marked down for doing what you did with your verb tense!

  5. You have no idea just how much safer Starbucks is!! I work for a real estate company that leases warehouses and distribution centers. We have a customer who has a distribution account for nothing but Monster. After only a few months, they had to move out of their space because after the normal spillage involved in shipping and receiving, Monster ate the warehouse floor out from under them. Literally, when they moved out, we had to file an insurance claim and have a whole new slab poured for that building. They call it Monster for a reason…that stuff is SCARY!!!

  6. First things first, drug classification: We must clarify that caffeine is a psychostimulant rather than a narcotic, which is important considering they have precisely opposite drug effects (wake you up v. put you to sleep). Second, a few concerns and a little (wikipedia) science). While the energy drink Monster (16 oz. can, TWO servings per can) has 160 mg of caffeine, a cup of coffe can have anywhere from 40 – 100mg. This number is reduced by roasting (darker = less caffeine) and by variety (arabica has less than robusta). Starbucks uses dark roasted arabica, so I’m guessing they’re on the low end. Also, the caffeine in Monster comes from the seeds of the Guarana plant, which has two cardiac stimulants (coffee has only one), so that may be playing a role in tachycardia (rapid heartbeat). The normal Monster beverage also containe 26g of sugar per serving or 52 GRAMS PER CAN! Crap. I’d rather eat a candy bar. Coffee has no sugar unless you add it. I add cream and Splenda, which brings up another issue. Caffeine is a diuretic (hence the peeing) which is why caffeine has a habit of demineralizing bones, so make sure you’re getting your calcium. Finally, these energy drinks are just a little chemically creepy. Benzic acid? Pyridoxine Hydrochloride? I prefer fewer preservatives, and for my vitamins to come from food, not swill.

  7. Just an FYI, my nephew (who was in the terrible accident in June) drank an energy drink in early October (he normally does not indulge) and he had 2 grand mall seizurs. I guess these drinks are really really bad if you’ve had any kind of head trauma/injury (I wish they would have warned us before). Judi

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