Thoughts on trust

Over the past few days Leanne and I have had some opportunities to help walk some friends through some difficult situations. In several of these situations the conflict arose because of an apparent lack of trust.

Trust is a huge issue with me. If I don’t feel trusted and respected my head swirls with the human side of my frustrations. I think for most guys trust is an issue. In some ways I think it is more important for guys to feel trusted and respected then loved. Seems strange even to say that but take a look at it. If your friends don’t trust you it limits your relationship. If your spouse doesn’t trust you it limits intimacy. If your co-workers or boss don’t trust or respect you it has adverse affects on how you do your job. It’s not to say women don’t feel the same way about trust, but I think men really have their lives dictated by the trust and respect they receive.

It’s a difficult paradigm shift. In those situations when it is subtle or blatant that someone doesn’t trust you or respect you we are faced with an immense challenge…at least I am. I don’t care if you don’t like me…but trust me, show some respect to me. Don’t talk smack behind my back, question everything I do, and treat me sub human because you have issues or insecurities with yourself or because it’s difficult for you to trust someone younger, older, thinner, fatter, funnier, less funny, more reflective, more accomplished, less accomplished than you. These are the thoughts that go through our minds. From there we just get angry…and if were honest it’s a type of anger that is more rage like than simple irritation.

The hard truth is…they are not responsible for the way in which we respond – we are. You can get ticked and write them off, you can try and prove yourself, you can shut down, you can return the favor…but ultimately you are responsible for they way you respond.

Me, well, I pray a lot. I kind of view those people who don’t trust me or respect me as my enemies and so I pray for them. I don’t try and prove myself – I let my life do the talking and if my life isn’t good enough for them…that’s their issue not mine. I wish I could say I don’t get angry or hurt but as I found out helping our friends just the mere mention of this topic gets my blood boiling but then I have to remind myself two things. 1. People are people and we all have baggage/assumptions/insecurities that play a role in who we are and I am no different. and 2. They’re not responsible for the way in which I respond.

This whole being like Jesus thing isn’t easy, you know? However, scripturaly how did Jesus respond? I think that says a lot…but hey, who am I. I’m just a restless wanderer.

What are your thoughts on trust?


3 thoughts on “Thoughts on trust

  1. I’ve been saying this for a long time: you always have a choice in how you respond to things. Always.

    You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control your response.

    Even if your first instinct is “Hulk smash!” or to throw the cat through the window, you can still choose not to. Even if you have a tendency of getting pissy and acting like a jerk to everyone, you can choose to be respectful, or at the very least seclude yourself until your rage has passed.

    In general, to me, if it’s not worth going to blows over, it’s not worth being mad about.

  2. I prefer “You’re making me angry! You won’t like me when I’m angry!” My son has those Hulk smash gloves. 🙂

    You are right about men needing respect more than love. Tim and I are reading a book on that right now called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It’s a GREAT book!!

  3. *I’m sorry, you didn’t have to write this blog to say you were mad at me, just tell me next time! ;p*

    Being Italian, you know how HUGE trust/respect are for us. I will not allow people to use me or my talents unless I trust/respect them and they do the same for me. I also don’t allow people to be close friends if I don’t trust/respect them. Often I think it makes me a little too jaded towards people’s intents and it can end up limiting me. Having a child has caused me to look at the balance of trust and respect and I’m finding more that I enjoy and thrive on the feeling loved part.

    However I’m most upset with how I let a lack of trust affect my relationship with god. If I can’t ALWAYS trust god how can I trust others? It sucks to be human!

    I also agree with Bret and find myself saying the same about reaction/response, you can’t change others only yourself and how YOU react to the situation!

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