Over the past few days Leanne and I have had some opportunities to help walk some friends through some difficult situations. In several of these situations the conflict arose because of an apparent lack of trust.
Trust is a huge issue with me. If I don’t feel trusted and respected my head swirls with the human side of my frustrations. I think for most guys trust is an issue. In some ways I think it is more important for guys to feel trusted and respected then loved. Seems strange even to say that but take a look at it. If your friends don’t trust you it limits your relationship. If your spouse doesn’t trust you it limits intimacy. If your co-workers or boss don’t trust or respect you it has adverse affects on how you do your job. It’s not to say women don’t feel the same way about trust, but I think men really have their lives dictated by the trust and respect they receive.
It’s a difficult paradigm shift. In those situations when it is subtle or blatant that someone doesn’t trust you or respect you we are faced with an immense challenge…at least I am. I don’t care if you don’t like me…but trust me, show some respect to me. Don’t talk smack behind my back, question everything I do, and treat me sub human because you have issues or insecurities with yourself or because it’s difficult for you to trust someone younger, older, thinner, fatter, funnier, less funny, more reflective, more accomplished, less accomplished than you. These are the thoughts that go through our minds. From there we just get angry…and if were honest it’s a type of anger that is more rage like than simple irritation.
The hard truth is…they are not responsible for the way in which we respond – we are. You can get ticked and write them off, you can try and prove yourself, you can shut down, you can return the favor…but ultimately you are responsible for they way you respond.
Me, well, I pray a lot. I kind of view those people who don’t trust me or respect me as my enemies and so I pray for them. I don’t try and prove myself – I let my life do the talking and if my life isn’t good enough for them…that’s their issue not mine. I wish I could say I don’t get angry or hurt but as I found out helping our friends just the mere mention of this topic gets my blood boiling but then I have to remind myself two things. 1. People are people and we all have baggage/assumptions/insecurities that play a role in who we are and I am no different. and 2. They’re not responsible for the way in which I respond.
This whole being like Jesus thing isn’t easy, you know? However, scripturaly how did Jesus respond? I think that says a lot…but hey, who am I. I’m just a restless wanderer.
What are your thoughts on trust?