I am who I am and tomorrow I will be different.

With conflicting experiences we forge ahead into the unknown collective of life.  This is the thought that has taken hold of me.  As I sit here, I understand that every one of us is moving forward.  Some are being yanked, others rush ahead on their own, some lazily ease onward inch by inch, and some like me get to a point and ask, how did I get here?

“Here” is not necessarily a bad thing, for some it may be, but for me it is simply…being present.  As we (and I mean people) move forward, each in our own ways, the things that bring commonality and community are our experiences.  I would like to say shared but I think the more realistic term would be conflicting because although we may share an experience it is still wholly unique to ones self.

We interpret these shared happenings through our own lenses of faith, past, baggage, hopes, fears, insecurities, and dreams. It is our unique experiences that make us who we are. Many, like myself, see these experiences as evidence of God moving and refining; bearing witness to the reality that without grace and forgiveness and a God who cares –  life is meaningless.  While others see these same things more as the natural progression of living.  Either way we all wrestle with the reality of a creator – with the ideas of God – with the hopes of having purpose and meaning. We all wrestle with who we are, where we are at, how we got there, and where we are going.

So now I am here – being present – embracing who I am with my gifts, flaws, and everything in between.

I know this, that I am an opinionated pain in the ass.  I love TV, movies, books, theatre, nature, science, and everything else that people can claim as a waste of time.  Everything around me interests me and at times I have the attention span of gnat.  I am deeply flawed and extraordinarily gifted.  I am a good and bad husband, father, son, and brother.  I want more than anything else for Jesus to use me as He sees fit and I fight Him every step of the way.  I make things more complicated when it’s easy and easy when it’s complicated.  I am a sinner, a saint, and a restless wanderer who is always searching for what God has next.  I am liberal, conservative, and independent.  I believe in doing good, not to earn accolades or favor but because that is the example Jesus has given.  I am a dreamer and a visionary who lacks patience.

I am who I am and odds are I will be different tomorrow…because tomorrow is a new day with new experiences that will continue to mold and shape and refine this life.

It’s spring, a time of new growth – a season in which things that were asleep awaken.  This is me waking up.  It may not make sense to you, and that’s ok, it doesn’t have to…it is after all just the ramblings of one man.  However, I hope that you (whomever you are) realize that we’re really not that different from each other and that you’re not alone in the contradictions of your own life. Look around you, look at history, read through the bible and you will find people just like you.  People who are a pain in the ass, shaped by their experiences, and in need of a grace.

Until next time…


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