Well Cyberland, here it is! My 2012 list of things/people that bug me.
My list, as always, is mine and mine alone. I hope you agree, disagree, laugh, and altogether enjoy. Oh yeah, feel free to add your own things that bug you in the comments section.
25. Madonna – No no, not the holy virgin mother…the 5o year old cougar. Although I think she did a fine job at the Super Bowl Halftime show, it was the rest of the year that helped her make my list. At 50+ years old you would think she would know how to entertain without acting like a mouthy preteen.
24. New Orleans’ Summers – There is no polite way to say this. It is like the seventh circle of hell.
23. Mayonaise – It’s disgusting.
22. People who think sending me links to stories about spiders is funny – It’s not.
21. Roger Goodell – If he makes out of New Orleans unscathed during the Super Bowl it will, in fact, be a small miracle.
20. People who do not like Phenias and Ferb – We can’t be friends. Sorry.
19. Rush Limbaugh, Karl Rove, & Ann Coulter – Why on God’s green earth would anyone listen to these people?! It is the unholy republican trinity. Seriously…there’s a horror movie concept in there somewhere. Maybe Josh Whedon could direct. It would make millions and the sequel could star…
18. Keith Olbermann, Bill Maher, and Roseanne Bar – For pretty much the same reason as above.
17. Damp Towels – I still hate em. They’re icky.
16. Facebook – There, I said it. Facebook is the hairy mole on the butt of society. It’s something we all think we just need to live with. I will stick with Twitter thank you very much.
15. Call Me Maybe – So help me if I hear this song one more time I might start something on fire.
14. Ryan Lochte – Remember that one time a swimmer was really overhyped and kind of seemed like an arrogant jerk. U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A. Do you think Michael Phelps calls Ryan and is like, “dude, remember that one time you went on global television saying you were going to win more medals than me…yeah, good times. By the way, how was your stint on 90210?”
13. American Apparel – Ummmm, if this is what represents America, then I’m moving to Canada. You know, I think they endorsed Ryan Lochte…I kid, I kid…or do I?
12. People who care more about their personal freedoms than the moral obligation they have to their families and communities – Take that however you want…it’s loaded.
11. Fat people who dress like they are skinny – Really!? Do you really think that at 300 pounds you should be wearing cut off shorts and a baby gap t shirt? Miss, I assure you…you should not be.
10. Skinny people who dress like everyone wants to see their emaciated bodies – I am sure some people find protruding ribs and collar bones extremely attractive…I just don’t know any of them.
9. GQ Pastor Pictures – You know who you are. You talk about your kids and your ministry but your profile picture is a glamor shot of you wearing a tight shirt with the faux-hawk and some God awful hipster accessory. Glad to see you are leading culture. Sarcasm.
8. Texas (excluding San Antonio) – Just because.
7. The words moist, crevice, and yams – I just threw up in my mouth a little bit just typing those words.
6. The Times Picayune – What do you do when you have one of the strongest readerships of any news paper in the Nation. You sell out and cut the print edition down to three issues a week. Weaksauce.
5. People who use the word weaksauce – It ranks right up there with chillax, bra’, deuces, and every other drunken frat guy vernacular.
4. The New York Freaking Yankees – So many reasons that I think I will make a special blog post just for them.
3. The Entire Honey Boo Boo clan – What kind of backwoods entertainment crack is this? We are all dumber for even knowing about Honey Boo Boo. Our collective national IQ has dropped. Thanks a lot TLC!!! Which reminds me…
2. TLC – Remember how their used to be a cable station called The Learning Channel? You could turn it on and actually, you know, learn something. I guess Trading Spaces really was the tipping point because now…well, you have shows about backwoods dwarves who are secretly transvestite republicans and hope to have their own decorating show called “Down and Out in De Moines.”
1. Me – I am a pain in my own backside.
There you have it, my little rant of annoying things from 2012.
Until next time…