meanderings of a restless wanderer

This week I got a text message saying that one of my friends from High School had died suddenly from an apparent heart attack.  We now know it was a blood clot…a blood clot killed a 29 year old girl who was healthy and happy.

I know that death is inevitable.  I don’t fear it.  I don’t worry about it.  I don’t really even think about it…until something like this happens.  I am a firm believer in the realities of Heaven and hell and my own eternal security…but all that means nothing when you are the ones left behind.

It probably wouldn’t be as odd a feeling if she was 90 or something, but she was 29.  I mean I can remember when my grandfather died…it was sad and difficult…but he was older…it made sense. The experience changes though when its someone your own age…it makes it…well, it makes it difficult to accept and at the same time forcing you to take a look at your life.

The first time I lost a friend my own age is when my buddy Chris died of cancer in High School.  I had just become a Christian and I was so angry at God because for the life of me I could not understand why he would allow something like that to happen…in some ways I still don’t understand.  I mean don’t get me wrong, I know the theological argument of a fallen world…but that doesn’t make it any easier, if anything it makes it more difficult because sometimes that answer sounds so cold hearted and distant that you can’t even believe the thought when it enters your head.

Then there was Matt.  I was at a camp in Michigan when I got the call that Matt went into a coma.  We had just graduated Bible College…I had been his RA…He was on a few of the teams I led for church planting…and he got me into Christian death metal (an oxymorone I know).  Apparently Matt had diabeties and no one knew.  So his pancreas shut down and soon after the rest of his body followed.  Matt was getting ready to be apart of a church plant in the Pacific Northwest…but all that ended. I remember getting that call and walking into the woods and crying.  Crying for my friend, crying for his family, crying for all of those that knew and loved him.  I knew in my head that he was better off…but inside my heart ached…and again I questioned God as to why.

In some ways we are pretty selfish when it comes to death.  Because we have to pick up the pieces…we have to struggle with the questions…we have to face the emptiness that we now feel and in the process we experience all those stupid levels of grief…and we end up missing the celebration that actually is life.

Death should not be what causes us to open our eyes to life.  Look around you.  The sun in the sky, the breeze against your face.  Look at your friends, your spouse, your children.  Look at the waves crashing against the shore and the birds that fly through the air.  Look at those simple pleasures around you everyday and open your eyes to life…understanding that there is a time for everything and realizing that our time is limited.

My prayer, if I can steal a quote from 30 Rock, is to “live every day like it was shark week”.

Our time is limited so why not experience it to the fullest and trust God to leave a lasting legacy after we’ve  gone?  I’m 29 - and I have a very long list of things that I want to do before I die.  Will I get to them all…probably not…but what matters most is that I love God and love people and open my eyes to the simple pleasures, wonders and love that surrounds me everyday.

Cindy Vega will be missed terribly.  Chris O’Leary is missed terribly.  Matt Bellows is missed terribly.  And the list can go on and on…

What I know is this - In the depths of despair and confusion, God does some of His most profound and beautiful work in us.

Until next time.

Today I got to sit at my father in laws place and look out at this…

very relaxing indeed.

I am sitting in awe of God’s wonder right now.  Outside my window a beautiful thunderstorm rages.  Inside we are safe and dry as we watch in amazement and listen with expectation.  With each flash we see a picture.  With each flash the world is illuminated.  I am relaxed for the first time in months and it I think it might be because of how small I feel right now.  When a storm rages and you are caught in the middle you come to an understanding of how vulnerable you really are…for some that vulnerability causes fear…for me it causes trust.

So tonight I sit and watch from the safe haven of my shelter and I rest in the wonder that can not be explained.

Bella is asleep…and I want to pass out…at 7:45pm.  Seriously, I don’t know how single parents do it…and I have an easy baby!

I worked from home today - so in the midst of feeding, playing, and changing I was able to get some of my work done…of course I will be up the next 6 hours finishing what I did not get done.  On the flip side of everything though…I had a lot of fun.  I never get to spend the entire day with Bella so it is good father daughter time.

Thankfully, although Leanne is away on her retreat I have Jenny…who is my mom stand in.  What’s a mom stand in?  Well she is the one I have been calling evetytime I have a question…and I got lots a questions. Thank You Jenny!

No boo boos today, just a lot of snot, and a whole bunch of laughter.

Until next time…

Here I am. Preparing for what I am sure will be an interesting week. Leanne is gone on a week long retreat…and I am all alone with the baby…being Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom

So, I’ve never been the sole provider before. I’m pretty sure I can handle it…I hope. The great thing is, is that Bella is uber easy however, I am still kind of freaked out about being single dad for a week. I’m not sure how to balance the work and baby thing on my own…especially in a week when I am preparing for a sermon ths coming Sunday and a wedding I will be performing. So I might just stay home and forgo the social activities that I would normally partake in and prepare for Sunday…and watch 30 Rock.

30 Rock

I am not a big fan of Alec Baldwin…in fact he kind of annoys me, which has caused me to not even attempt to watch 30 Rock. Well after months of hounding from Tanya I gave in and watched an episode…thanks to HULU I have now watched the entire second season…in 3 days. Seriously, it’s genius! Since Leanne is gone and since I will not be partaking in social activities Tanya is letting me borrow season 1 so I can watch it in the evenings after Bella goes to sleep, but to protect my brain from too much TV I will also be reading my new book…A Voyage Long and Strange.

A Voyage Long and Strange

I do so enjoy a good book…truth be told I’m kind of a book whore…I’ll read just about anything. Between business books, apologetic books, missional Church books, and the Walt Disney Biography I have found some time to brush up on my History Books. My newest is entitled “A Voyage Long and Strange”. To read a synopsis click here. I’m actually quite looking forward to it and hoping to gain a few new bits of info to store away in my noggin…but truth be told we shouldn’t just exercise our noggins but our bodies as well which leads me to Weight Watchers.

Weight Watchers

Leanne and I have been discussing making some serious life changes and setting good goals for ourselves. So this week I start Weight Watchers. I kind of would like to live a long productive life so I’m not so much into the continual self sabotage that we Americans do to ourselves. I can’t do it alone…the Big guy upstairs is going to have to help me…of course you can too. I open myself up to you my friends…you have permission to ask me how’s it going…heck you can even ask me how many points I have used in the day.

Moving forward…

This week will be interesting, but I have no doubt it will be great…it’s the continual process of moving forward…I don’t do so well being stagnant so I trust God to continue to lead me on.

Until next time…

You know how sometimes you just have one of those days where you would rather crawl back into bed, or drive far far away? Yeah, today is one of those days. Maybe it all comes back to not honoring sabbath, or the fact that satan sucks, or it could even be that as humans we are (unfortunately) inherently selfish and forget to look to the needs of others before our own…of course it could be all of those things.

All I know is that I kind of wish it were raining outside. Rain is clensing…it washes the junk away, it makes things clean, and it makes you appreciate the son.

So today I will pray for you and for me…trusting that I am not alone in sometimes just wanting to hide from the world…

With hope and weariness I say let the rain fall.

The number of mosquito bites I have on my body. I’m going crazy! It’s like having chicken pocks all over again just without the sympathy.

Just say no to west nile…

to me!

Well, yesterday was my 29th birthday, and let me tell ya’, it was a pretty good one.

The day began with me getting up way to early to drive to Chino so I could take my Commissioned Pastors test for the Reformed Church in America.  Let’s just say starting your birthday off with a three hour oral exam is not my idea of an awesome birthday gift.  Truth be told, I did enjoy the studying and learning…it was like I was in college again.

After completing said test I headed to the Brea Mall to use my William Sonoma gift card.  If you know me, but at all, you know I love to cook..and you also know that I love that store.  With my purchases in hand I made my way back to the car to make the drive home…of course I had to treat myself to a birthday lunch from Chick fil-A.

After arriving at home all I wanted to do was to take a nap, sadly it was too frickin hot I could not sleep,  instead I watch Ghostbusters 2…yup that’s right…don’t mock me, you know you love it.

My wife had told me we had plans with The Garrisons for dinner so at 7 we took Bella to my mom’s where…SURPRISE…a birthday party was at hand…and not just any surprise party but a “Lost” themed Surprise party, complete with tropical decor and plenty of Dharma food to go around.

I was actually very surprised that my wife pulled off a party with out me finding out.   Of course it helps that she actually decided the day before to do it…and thankfully for me most of my friends didn’t have plans…I’m not sure what that says about all of us.

I have to give a big thanks to my wife for throwing me a party, especially themed to something I love…and she hates.  Also, huge thanks go to Travis and Carrie for helping get everything ready all day Saturday, Angelo for being the tech superhero, Tanya for being Lost inspiration, and of course everyone that was able to make it on such short notice.

As with any fun event I have some awards to give out…so without further adieu…

Best Look a Like to a Lost Character - Jon Gaw as John Locke

Most creative Lost costume - Jen Davies as Smokey

Multiple personality - Liana Dickson as Kate, Rousseau, or Alex (She looked liked all of them)

The too much Lost knowledge award - Tanya Jones and Rachel Samarin

Funniest (inappropriate) birthday card - Mike and Beth Hutton

Funniest (non-inappropriate) birthday card - Darren and Jenny Platt

Best song played - Big Poppa

Well, there you have it my 29th birthday in a nutshell.  If you didn’t know it was my birthday or you couldn’t make it to the party I hold no grudges…that being said I like Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, and Ikea

As soon as I get some pictures I will post.